Your heart starts racing while entering your parents room to ask them a question that’s important to you. You already know what the answer is going to be. However, you decide to give it a shot. You google how to ask strict parents to go to a party. Practice the lines repetitively, deep down knowing it will become another event you will miss. You are sixteen and feel old enough to be independent. The nerves kick in while facing your parents and asking, “May I please go to Sam’s party? It is at 9:00.” Before you even get to finish all the details that google said to add, your father cuts you off and says, “No” without hesitation. You are so angry at this moment, you feel like you miss out on every social event. You don’t understand why they act this way towards you. Why are some parents so strict?
It can be very overwhelming confronting strict parents. You want the allowance and freedom, however that goal may seem farther than you would like. To reach this goal, break everything into steps. Start off with understanding the reasons why they may act strict towards you, overcome the intimidation, create a well thought plan, avoid the urge to fight back, and find a compromise.
The first step: Understanding some reasons on why parents act strict
Having strict parents, and not knowing why they act this way can cause tons of frustration. This strictness and protectiveness that some parents implement can be seen as rude and disrespectful to some teens when they don’t allow them to go somewhere. With no given explanation. “I feel disrespected in a way. If I have done nothing wrong and they refuse to let me hangout with friends, it causes so much confusion. If my grades are great, done all my chores etc, it just doesn’t make sense.” Antea said. One reason why they act this was towards you is based on their parenting style. There are many different styles of parenting from authoritative to authoritarian. Each contain aspects that are difficult in their own way and affect the way children feel. Erupting Mind states, “we each have different levels of confidence, optimism, self-esteem and self-worth. Each of these characteristics is greatly influenced by how a child was raised and the type of parents that raised them.”
Another reason on why your parents may be strict towards you is about how they were raised. In a video explained by Jubilee, parents along with children had a discussion about the way they were raised and how it affects the way they raise their children. A parent explained himself saying how growing up Christian was hard for him. “Everything was solved through prayers and reading the bible. If you were depressed, prayer and bible. If you wanted a girlfriend, nope that’s not allowed, prayer and bible.” It was challenging for him. His mother was a very fierce female individual. Her motto was “your life is going to suck all the time” and he explained how she told him if you set that baseline then you’ll never be disappointed, because you always expect the worse. He shared “By growing up that way I believe I am a stronger individual but that communication was never there, and the honesty was most definitely not there. Just things that I would do that’s not Christian like.” And for that reasoning he would keep it from her. “What I hope to instill in my children is, hey no matter who you are or who you love I am not going to be like my mom, you don’t have to be this perfect inside of the box kind of person.” This parent draws upon their experiences of a strict upbringing in order to raise their own children in an opposing manner.
Grasping this information, knowing that the reason your parents act this way is because of their own traits, their past and how they were raised should give you an understanding that it isn’t your fault.
Second step: Don’t give up
When asking your strict parents for permission to go hang out with your friends, it can be intimidating. You may have been shot down many times, but you can’t give up. For many years I had never been to a school dance even though I asked every year. I always got the same answer: no. But after many years of persistence (while also being patient and not arguing back) my parents finally gave in and let me go for the first time this year.
Third step: Stay calm
When asking to go somewhere, make sure you have all the details. 16 year-old Karissa said, “when my parents say I can’t hang out, I ask why not?” Asking “why not” in a calm way can test your parents to think, why am I saying no? However in Karissa’s case she asked in anger. “I don’t understand the issue and it can be annoying when I miss out on what could have been a fun night.” The next time she asked, Karissa acted very calm and collected. She got invited to hang out at Tim Horton’s with her friends a week in advance and decided to talk to her parents about it right away. She was allowed to go. According to her parents, it seemed that she had matured. The last time, she let her emotions get the best of her which got nowhere. However, this time staying calm gave her an advantage because she took a step back and improved her approach and as a reward she was allowed out.
My classmates and I discussed our thoughts about the different styles of parenting.
If your own parents dealt with constant problems with their siblings, parents and understand how risky being a teen is they might try to protect you. If they experienced tough things in there past they may act overprotective towards you, thinking that it’s making you safe. No matter how hard it feels in the moment, you will overcome this time. Just stay calm, showing them that you are mature and logical, and perhaps, with some persistence, they’ll give you a little more freedom.
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