So uhh this is weird for the both of us. Here we are staring at each other and neither of us know what to say. But you know what, I’ll start, I have several things to get off my chest. So let me properly introduce myself.
Greetings my fellow double legged creature, my name is Petro’niapompeiiiusprisillaporciuss (pronounced Bob) but you can call me Mon.
So kid, I need to ask you something. Why is it only you younglings know of me? I’ve been telling you I’m real. Freaking adults these days, acting so full of themselves and stopped believing in lil ole me.
What happened to the times when they would keep the light on while hugging tight onto their furry friend as they fall asleep? Nowadays, they are too busy everyday with their headphones in, doors locked, tissues ready, and applying lotion while playing with them shake weights.
Pardon my language, I’m getting angry you see. As days went on, they slowly started to forget about me. What abnormality could have caused this sudden change?
Back then I could have put toothpaste in your oreos, filled your box of Dunkin’ Donuts with brussel sprouts and broccoli, locked your bathroom door from the inside when you need to release the dragon, or even mixing both the skittles and m&m’s into your candy jar.
Hey don’t you think I tried to be good? I want to be a nice person, it’s just that everyone else is stupid.
Urgh, after all I’ve been through, surely you would feel bad for me. Ok, Ok, maybe not, but just a little bit? Come on man, help me out here. I even went out of my way to persuade some people to write the movie Monsters, Inc, so it would make people believe that I exist.
What was that? The movie was for kids? It makes monsters look nice? Oh blimey me… Why on your grandmother’s pinky toe and her new Yeezy flip flops would they make that movie for kids. I wanted the thick-headed adults to hear all that not the dumb booger eating, natural milk drinkers.
If the movie doesn’t help then how about the poem I wrote,
Monster monster under the bed
You stupid big jerk airhead
Please get out or I’ll feed you lead
Grab a pencil and stab you dead
Right in the middle of your forehead
Monster monster under the bed
They could be on your left and your right too
They might be the ugly green ones,
Maybe, even angry red or gloomy blue
But it’s not so scary,
As long as you know kung-fu
With that, you can easily make do
Okay you know what… Now that I’ve reread it, this doesn’t make monsters sound scary does it? Ugh, why did my incompetant self would ever come up with this idea.
Day by day I’m becoming more and more exhausted from all these blank stares, acting like they don’t see me when they do.
Fine I admit it! I want to be popular again. I don’t want to be forgotten, I don’t want to stay alone. Ever since your previous generation went through adolescence, they never feared me again, and instead they forgot about me entirely.
Hey kid, can you do me one last favour? When you’re an adult don’t forget about me, okay? Or at least make sure to tell your future children all about me. If you forget, I’ll make sure to tell everyone that you were looking up “Justin Bieber’s abs” on Google before bed every night.
Cover Image: Render Everything